


Sex and Candy

by monchy



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-31
Updated: 2012-05-31
Packaged: 2017-11-06 10:14:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/417697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/monchy/pseuds/monchy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He will stand close enough, but not too much, and stuffed in his little cave in Tatooine, he will watch for what came out of Padmé’s and Anakin’s love...</p><p>Post Ep. III</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sex and Candy

  


Luke is safe with what little family he has left now, and Obi-Wan has a mission. He will stand close enough, but not too much, and stuffed in his little cave in Tatooine, he will watch for what came out of Padmé’s and Anakin’s love, if that was what joined them, and not a strange sense of curiosity and revelry on both parts. Obi-Wan will never now, though, because he never did understand Anakin, and now it’s too late.

He wishes they had been given more time.

Tatooine is a rough planet to live in, much more when all Obi-Wan has is a cave and someone to watch upon. He feels lonely. He gets tired of the sand that fills his boots and his clothes, that gets stuck in his hair. He can taste it inside his mouth, and it makes him think of Anakin. I hate sand, Master. He understands that now.

Luke is safe, and Obi-Wan knows the Empire won’t come anywhere near him, since his existence is not known. He wonders about Leia, and thinks that she got a better part in this bargain than Luke did. Obi-Wan wonders if Darth Vader can feel them. He also wonders if there’s only a little bit of Anakin still living inside that creature, and if he thinks about him. He doesn’t know if he would like that.

There’s little to do in the city, so Obi-Wan starts drinking. The place is packed with nothing more than junk stores and bars, and Obi-Wan becomes a regular in this tiny, dingy place where they make this wonderfully mind-numbing blue drinks, and where the waitress flirts with him. When she asks for his name, he says Ben, old Ben Kenobi.

He misses Anakin.

Qui-Gon comes to him, showing up always in the opportune moment, and they begin the lessons that will allow Obi-Wan to guide Luke even if death beats him. Obi-Wan feels ten and insecure all over again, but he’s a fast learner. Every single time, he asks Qui-Gon, what did I do wrong, Master? Just what did I do wrong? Qui-Gon never answers, and Obi-Wan drowns his tears in bitter alcohol.  
One night, he meets a young man. He’s tall and lean, and his bright blue eyes light his face, which is framed by beautiful brown curls. Obi-Wan bites his lower lip, because it reminds him of Anakin. His name is Alex, he says, young, pretty Alex, who’s only passing by. Obi-Wan lets himself be guided to a small room and an uncomfortable bed, where he allows himself to get lost in soft skin and a sweet looking smile. The next morning he feels guilty, and he meditates. It’s silly. He’s no longer a Jedi, now is he? But sex had never felt like a sin when it was with Anakin.

Eventually, Obi-Wan stops meditating. He changes his hours of deep concentration for long walks in the desert. He likes feeling the wind against his face. He doesn’t feel free.

The news on the Empire almost never reach the Outer Rim, and when they do, it’s mostly rumors. Still, they are all worrying, and Obi-Wan feels helpless, trapped inside his cave and his sand filled planet, thinking of a past that is now gone. He touches the hilt of his lightsaber, and his hands itch with the necessity of facing dangerous enemies, of doing something, anything, that will save someone from a terrible fate. He talks to Qui-Gon about it, and is only told to be patient, and stick to his mission in life. And isn’t that, after all, what he’s always done?

When Luke turns six months, Obi-Wan leaves Tatooine. He buys himself a ticket into a ship packed with the scum of the world, and starts travelling around. He’s determined to find someone, anyone, not willing to believe that Yoda and himself are the only two left. He finds nothing more than death and rotting corpses lying on the ground. After two months, a tribe of Wookies points him in a certain direction, and after some time, he finds Quinlan Vos.

Quinlan is dying.

Obi-Wan feels himself reeling back as soon as he sees Quinlan’s figure diminished to an old bed, fighting its way out to try and actually look happy about seeing him. He looks pale, he’s too thin, and the way his yellow tattoo shines on his shrunk skin is almost scary, as if Quinlan had become a monster created by a childish imagination. His hands are torn, and there are too many infected wounds for Obi-Wan to try and do something for him other than offer him company in his last minutes.

Obi-Wan stays. He spends his days next to Quinlan’s bed, speaking soft words and sometimes reading to him. He cooks for him. Quinlan reaches out for him, and Obi-Wan grasps his skeleton like hand and squeezes lightly, feeling tears welling up inside his eyes.

The people that had been taking care of Quinlan are worried about the Empire, but Obi-Wan reassures them. Darth Sidious believes in the extermination of the Jedi, and wants nothing with an almost dead warrior, no matter how great he might have been. Obi-Wan curses the bastard.

One night, Quinlan looks at him, and for the first time since he got there, he sees his friend buried deep in those hunted eyes. Quinlan tries to speak, but only a low croak comes out of Quinlan’s unused throat, so Obi-Wan sits on the bed, and holds him close. It’s uncomfortable, but Obi-Wan only holds tighter when the smell of death, blood and defeat reaches his nostrils.

He remembers how Anakin used to smell of sex and candy.

The night Quinlan dies between his arms, Obi-Wan curses like he hasn’t in all his life, gets drunk, and fucks a cute far too young boy in a dirty bathroom. He pukes his guts out, and when he has no tears left, he builds Quinlan a funeral pyre and watches as a great warrior leaves him behind, buried in mud and pain. As the flames lick up Quinlan’s body, orange filling his eyes, Obi-Wan looks up to the sky, and murmurs, Anakin, what have you done?

With his heart sinking onto nothingness, Obi-Wan decides to pay Yoda a visit before returning to Tatooine. He remembers how the old warrior would seat with him, work through his problems and settle his mind, but all he gets this time is a reprimand. Taking care of Luke, that’s his purpose, and Obi-Wan is failing to do so. He knows it, but he doesn’t know if he cares that much anymore.

Obi-Wan looks at his own hands, and feels them old and battered, not fit to guide him through a fight.

When he gets back to his tiny cave, Luke is walking already. It’s been almost a year, and it seems as if times won’t change in a very long while, as if Obi-Wan will live a timeless life as an spectator to what he hopes will be someone’s else triumph. He learns to resign, and when he can’t take it anymore, he curls on his bed and wills the pain away.  
Qui-Gon tells him to forget, and reminds him that his enemy’s name is Darth Vader, and that he has nothing to do with what lies buried in the folds of Obi-Wan’s memory. Obi-Wan thinks back, though, remembering that day in which he had been laying flat against the kitchen’s table, his hands pinned above his head and Anakin looking at him with wide eyes. A cup had fallen to the floor, shattering there into tiny pieces and leaving a pool of melted chocolate on the white floor. Obi-Wan thinks of the noise getting lost in the room, and of the way Anakin had looked at him, begging him to please love him. Obi-Wan had trusted Anakin’s eyes, and he wishes Anakin had trusted his back. He thinks about that look, and God, if only Anakin had said something.

The power of the Empire grows bigger every day, and Obi-Wan watches it from the sidelines, spending his days with his eyes on Luke. He’s starting to look like Anakin already, and Obi-Wan can tell he’s going to be a good boy.

It’s his life and Obi-Wan accepts it, because he’s a Jedi, and he knows their time will come again. At night, though, lying alone on his too hot bed, he thinks of the sadness on Qui-Gon’s eyes every time Obi-Wan asks, of the reproach of Master Yoda, of the lifeless form of his good friend Quinlan. He feels anger well up inside him, and he only manages to clean his soul of it when he thinks of Anakin’s eyes looking at him, his lips curling around the words, I love you, Master.


End file.
